i told my best friend last night bout my ed and omg there was a lot of emotions flying around.  she also told me something so personal about her and i just feel so sorry for her my problems are nothing compared to what she has gone through.

anyway seh doesnt understand at all and she was drunk at the time but she just kept saying i was bein stupid etc. which hurt a lot.

but i am thinkin more positively and soberly now and i no that she was just tryin to help and was just saying what she thought.

she is being a lot more supportive now its so reassuring.

i still dont no if i shoulda told her or not but i cant change it now so there is no point worryin bout it.

anyways i weighed myself this morning and it said i had lost again :D but my eyes were kinda fuzzy-no sleep and too much alcohol- so  i dont no how much i have lost.

i wont be able to get on the scales tonight cuz they total rattle when you come off them an the bathroom is right next to the living room so my parentals will be able to hear.

is so frustrating having to wait till tomorrow morning to find out hmph o well i still lost so is all good

oh f*uck today seems like its gonna be a bad day!

first off i miss my dental appointment which is gay!now i will be off the frickin list!!!

then my internet wouldn work for agggggggggges which is really annoyin cuz i am waitin for feedback on jobs i have applied for and am totally overchecking my mail.

and its pouring rain here now so i cant get out for a run...hmmm maybe i will just do circuits of my hall its pretty long.

and i have to go out tonight where ppl will be tryin to make me drink-so many calories in alcohol its not even funny- and make me eat junk food like crisps etc.

today was also goin to be the day that i told my best friend bout my ed but i am thinkin i am gonna bail on that one! i am a total wimp but i dont think the timing is right anyway!

hmmm that turned into a bit of a rant oops! oh well rant over

today has been good apart from me gaining a little i only had a plate of soup to eat today :)


went to see the thrills and the tiny dancers was so good, met the tiny dancers too they were so sweet.

anyways am pondering whether or not to tell my best friend about my ed i dont no how she would react but she is total suspecting something i spend all my time with her so its hard for her not too. i dont no if it will just make things more complicated or not though. my head is a bit mushed i dont no what to do??

eeek..

grrr i have gone and put on weight!!!

i was doing so well before and now i fucked it up good and proper!

it doesnt help that my dad keeps making little comments about my weight saying i am gaining alll the time and saying taht my stomach hangs over my trousers.

the rational part of me is thinkin dont listen to him he is just saying that to get a reaction you are really slim.  but then there is this other constant thought of eurgh i am fat  my legs are like trunks my stomach really is fat.

its so confusing. i have managed to break free of ana in the past but i dont think it will be so easy this time this time i no i am stuck in deep and the fact that my rational is telling m this is making it worse.

i am going to the belladrum festival in august and shorts are the in thing this summer.  i really need to lose weight from my legs if i am going to look pretty in them.